Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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