they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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