I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
