hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
