The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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