I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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