Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
