sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
