Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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