i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
