Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
