Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
