Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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