Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
