im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
