I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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