Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
