i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
try to milk me bitch
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