gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
