I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
