On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
