the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
