So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize