Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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