Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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