Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
