Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
