apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
