The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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