She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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