If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
