Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
