So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
