If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
