i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
