You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
