I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
