woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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