weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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