I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
