This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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