so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
