Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
