Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The uberlube is also flammable
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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