Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
