Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
