I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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