Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
