I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
