I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize