Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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