I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
