ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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