yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
