the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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