Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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