just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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