my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
