I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
