you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i've created a new STD.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
